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I don’t care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it.
Laugh now, but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world
My support group can outdrink your support group.
only fights if pillows are present.
If you stop at a yellow light I`m going to assume you have something illegal in your car.
Oh, you think you have relationship problems? Try separating me from my bed in the morning...
If a man says something in the woods.. And there are no women there.. Is he still wrong? O_o
Juicing changed my life. I went from being overweight, to being overweight and owning a juicer.
feels guilty for not spending more time with my kids. I should really get them a Facebook account.
I just ate a Cheeto that melted perfectly in my mouth! It was Awesome! ....Until I realised that was the highlight of my day.
I went on two diets because there wasn’t enough food on just the one.
I`m one of the nicest a$$holes you could ever hope to meet.
Dr. Oz says having 1/2 hour of sex is equivalent to running 6 miles. I guess I`m going to the gym today.
Most people don`t realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.
The plural of beer is beer, which is very convenient when you are explaining to your wife why you were late coming home from work.