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Before the internet I used to like people.
There’s a wild side to EVERY innocent face.
It took dozens and dozens of flushes and a plunger, but my guinea pig`s funeral is finally over.
They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.
I saw a poor old lady fall over today, at least I presume she was poor, she only had $ 1,20 in her purse
I cant afford a Snuggie so I just wear my robe backwards...
Flight to Vegas...guy in front of me has a bouquet made up of dollar bills. Pro Tip: That stripper will never marry you bro.
The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did, she began running so I did, she screamed so I did. I never even saw what we were running from.
That awkward moment when you`re telling the truth, but start laughing like crazy and everyone thinks you`re lying.
Fact: Pornos aren`t based on actual events.
I dont need to control my anger everyone around me needs to control their habit of pissing me off!
You know it`s getting bad when the voices in your head start texting you
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,408 hours. About the same as a common Monday on Earth.
If Milli Vanilli were to fall in the woods, would someone else make a sound?
I don`t like people who hate certain group of people. But I get along very well with people who hate everybody equally.