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I don`t care about your status...
I am not available because I am looking at porn that takes up the whole computer screen
I could kill you with kindness, but shoving you into traffic just saves so much time.
Neat, your girlfriend is made out of the same stuff as your air guitar!
spank me, its the only way i`ll learn.
I like to think I`m special, because the thought of idiots like me existing in large numbers is f*cking terrifying.
When I found out my toaster wasn`t waterproof, I was shocked!
You know that confused look that old people get when looking at new technology? I`m like that, but with salad.
My kitchen is actually nothing more than a fruit hospice
Improve your memory by doing unforgettable things.
Nothing says I have faith in God like the bullet proof glass on the Pope`s car.
I`m not sure who looks more frightened & confused when someone knocks on my door, the dog or me?
Working on my 32 point plan to be more spontaneous. Any suggestions?
There`s a big difference between a mechanic and a surgeon when they work on a tranny.
Sweating is for people who do stuff.