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You guys know that there are things higher than kites, right?
Black Friday, because after a day of thankfully stuffing your face, you deserve a deal on purchases you don’t need.
I bet if you were in a city getting attacked by huge sci-fi monsters youd run and scream but in the back of your mind youd be like “awesome”
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the "For External Use Only" warning labels.
The worst thing that can happen when you invite someone over to "watch a movie" is actually watching a movie.
Describe myself in three words ... 1. Lazy
There was a glorious time, before social media, when you would just lose touch with people.
I don`t know why people freak out and run when they see a spider. They are just gonna climb in your mouth when you are sleeping anyway.
Working in retail has taught me that the customer is always right. At least while they`re in earshot...
It`s a bad sign when your credit card bill has a comma and your bank statement doesn`t!
So many fun things to say … too many relatives on Facebook to post!
Ever wondered why there’s no window in the airplane’s toilet? Because, really, who’s going to see in?
The exam hall is the only place on the earth where everyone is desperate for teamwork..
If you kept one of those jars where I`d have to put in a quarter every time I swore, you would be a billionaire by the end of the week.
One thing the porn industry has taught me is that this summer I defiantly need to get a job as a poolboy.