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"I like tube tops too, but even tires have pressure limits!
I have a feeling my dying words will be "Honey, I was just joking."
Got a problem with me? I’m pretty sure a status on Facebook won’t fix it.
Sure I have my doubts, but Bigfoot doesn’t have any pictures of me either.
I`ll call it a "smart phone" the day I yell, "Where`s my freaking phone?!" and it answers, "I`m here! Under your jacket!"
lol I rotfl
I did not trip...the floor looked like it needed a hug.
Very productive day today, turd-wise
This girl says she wants me to butter her muffin ... I don’t even know what that means, but now I’m hungry.
In order to get my teenagers attention I shut off the WiFi router and wait for them in the room it`s in.
"What`s wrong?" "Oh it`s personal" Then, why`d you post it to Facebook.
Bacon has protein. Spinach has protein. Bacon is a vegetable.
Just been on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies. Is that a trick question?
I don`t want it to seem like I`m trying to get rid of you, but GO AWAY!!
I try and inspire at least one person everyday to leave me the f*ck alone.