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While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald`s stops serving breakfast.
I still miss my ex. But my aim is gettin` better.
I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.
Things I didn`t learn in high school... how to pay bills buy a house apply for college but thank goodness I can graph a polynomial function.
50% of people believe s@x is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are guys
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. ...I sure hope they let me back in Walmart.
Anything I say or do before I`ve had my coffee doesn`t count.
Sorry, I was not paying attention. I was thinking about having sex with you.
You can dress for success or undress for it. It depends on what type of work you want.
I love myself everyday. Sometimes, twice a day.
When I order pizza online and there’s a “Notes” box I put “Ring bell, Cross moat, SLAY DRAGON”
Just ONCE I`d like someone to call me "sir" without adding "this is a place of business, please put your pants back on."
I am the head of this household, and I have my wife`s permission to say so.
My new girlfiend is taking forever to exist.
If you need Facebook to remind you it`s your wife`s birthday, I hope you own a comfortable couch.