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Workout Journal Day #5: Jogging with a stroller is great exercise! And hard work for whoever is pushing me.
It’s like these fools at the gym have never seen someone with roller skates on the treadmill before.
A hospital is the only commercial establishment where the worse service they provide you, the more you`ll come back.
Love is grand. Divorce is 100 grand.
You don`t have to like me, I`m not a Facebook status.
I used to drink a lot in the 80s. Then I realized, who cares what the temperature is.
You know when you`re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That`s happening to me, only with beer.
i love you with all my butt. i would say heart but my butt is bigger :)
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off.
Blacking out when you’re drunk is god’s way of telling you that it’s none of your business what you do when you’re drunk.
Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you`ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief
Sometimes, you wonder what the hell the music video has to do with the song.
I wouldn`t mind all the penis enlargement emails if they weren`t coming from my wife.
I`m fresh out of hopes and dreams. Can I interest any of you in despair and disappointment?
Look!!! I am always here for you no matter what,OK? unless there is something good on tv or I`m eating pie