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I saw a guy today at Starbucks. He had no smartphone, tablet or laptop. He just sat there drinking his coffee. Like a psychopath.
I`ve reached that time of day between "coffee wearing off" and "murdering my co-worker."
I just found out cock fighting is done with roosters and now it feels like this 6 months of training has been wasted.
Drinking coffee in the afternoon is like eating the mushroom that makes you big in Super Mario.
Apparently, 4 people die every year trying to put their pants on... - me, explaining to my (ex)boss why I went in with no pants
Do you like me? Breathe for yes, lick your elbow for no.
I may have let you down, but it`s your fault for having such high hopes.
Today I saw something that reminded me of you. But don`t worry, I flushed and everything went back to normal.
We`re like hot chocolate and marshmallows. You`re hot, and I wanna be on top of you.
Beware of the deodorants with instructions that ask you to "remove the top and push up bottom"... they could at least make them round.
Sometimes I laugh so hard the tears run down my leg ;)
I wish that life had an option for viewing other available episodes.
If I was antisocial I wouldn`t have just ordered a pizza over the phone.
It truly bothers me how many people would marry someone just for their money. Because I`m trying to do that & you`re lowering my chances.
I used to be poor. Then I bought a thesaurus, and now I`m impecunious.