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I thought the voices in my head actually liked me until I found out they learned sign language just so they could talk sh*t about me.
When someone says “you’re the best,” just know that it’s not really true because I’m the best.
If men could have multiple orgasms, lotions would cost more than an iPhone.
Do u ever have the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they arent talking?
This idiot from Apple reckons that the "Temperature, iPhone needs to cool down" warning message has nothing to do with all my hot selfies
Do midgets still start their childhood stories off with, "When I was little"
YouTube "This video is not available in your country". where the hell am I from? NARNIA?
In America, someone is shot every 15 seconds ... How is that person still alive?
If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you... I would start thinking about you.
Guys communicate by insulting each other, but don’t really mean it. Girls communicate by complimenting each other, but don’t really mean it.
You think you have problems, I used a toothpick to get a toothpick out of my teeth this morning.
Why are there no owls here? I Was lead to believe there would by owls here. #hooters
Some girls post the most depressing love sh!t that even I`m starting to miss their ex!!!
Apple is looking to expand its market share among Latinos. No word yet on the release date of their newest device, the iCaramba.
Sleep is my drug, my bed is my dealer, and my alarm clock is police.