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Relatives - Because sometimes you need reminding of your bad genes too.
Our office just got a new conference table. It sleeps 20.
Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing.
I accidentally called 911, so I set my house on fire so I wouldn`t look stupid.
I just saved a ton of $ on Christmas presents by discussing politics on FB.
Do you know what this house is missing? A box of $#!+, Let`s get a cat.
I`d kill for a microwave that plays Europe`s “The Final Countdown” during the last 30 seconds.
The number of lies told by men would decrease significantly if women stopped asking questions
Yes, Facebook says we`re `friends` but, trust me, I wouldn`t hesitate to punch you in the face.
A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterward.
To hell with the "dislike" button! i think we need a "who cares" button, a "WTF" button and a "STFU!" button. just saying.... Oh and a "lol" button because i just get tired of writing it! lol!
When someone says "Surprise me", I quickly drop my pants.
I almost forgot to upload a pic of my Starbucks coffee. What a waste of coffee that would have been!
I wish there was a reality show where people learned grammar.
A stress ball, made of concrete, and to throw at the person who`s stressing you out.