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Nothing is impossible. I know a man that once guessed correctly why a woman was mad at him.
Tattoos are like potato chips. You can`t have just one.
Who do Walmart shoppers make fun of?
There should be an "undo" button in an elevator for when you accidentally hit the wrong floor.
The secret to dancing is to pretend you have a wedgie and you`re trying to get it unstuck without using your hands.
Hello customer service, I ate two happy meals and I’m still not happy
If you were home alone in the middle of the night, and you heard a fart, would you laugh or be scared.
A true man is one who leaves his wife alone in cold weather and goes to watch football.
I was called a sexist today ... I said, I think you`re mistaken ...its pronounced sexy
Just watched (insert title of horror movie) and it wasn`t scary at all. The crap in my pants is a pure coincidence.
Love means never having to say you’re sorry until you`ve thought up a good excuse.
Women.Some men undermine, disrespect and consider them weak,forgeting the countless spanks they got from their mothers
Two things everybody wants: 1) Lose weight. 2) Eat.
I end a sentence with `just saying` because ending with `dumba$$` would be offensive.
Just spent a week building a time machine. That’s seven days of my life I’m going to get back.