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It`s so cold Miley Cyrus got her toungue stuck on her wrecking ball
Do u ever have the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they arent talking?
I hate Russian nesting dolls. They`re so full of themselves
I was having breakfast at a friend`s house and she said "How do you take your coffee?" I said "Very seriously."
Guess what I saw today? ... Everything I looked at.
It’s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
It’s only a matter of time until “Security Cameras of Wal-Mart” is a reality TV show.
After how long is it ok to tell your friends that they are imaginary?
If someone says "I`m a sub-par golfer" does that mean they`re good at golf, or bad?
I found my first grey pubic hair today. Normally things like this don`t bother me, but it was in my Big Mac.
I would lose weight, but I hate losing..
I found the key to happiness ... Stay away from a$$holes.
I`ve upped my driving skills, no go Up yours!
How much tequila goes into mashed potatoes again?
Facebook ~ redefining "friendship" one booby pic at a time. ;)