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I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters.. do they just give you a bra and say, "here fill this out"..?
Nothing says “I hate you” like giving someone’s child a drum set.
I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road and not have their motives questioned.
This town has more white trash in it than a dumpster behind a paper plate factory
Sometimes, late at night in WalMart, I switch up all the color tubes in the hair dye kits.
My wife complained that I never lifted a finger to help around the house. So I lifted a finger. Apparently, it was the wrong one.
Just think of me as the guy next door. With a telescope.
If Starbucks delivered, I would be a morning person.
If your single and you know it…Pet your cat!
I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar.......
Since It`s summer here`s a little advice, best way to beat the heat is to wear a San Antonio Spurs jersey
When I have to make a difficult decision in life I think what would grandma do, then I leave home in my nightie & shout at random strangers.
Please don`t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I`m awesome doesn`t mean I like you.
Illiterate? Well then sign up today for free online reading classes!
Being in the friend zone is like being the guy in the band who plays that little triangle.