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It makes sense that animals pee on something to mark their territory. I mean if someone peed on something, most people would be like, "Eww, okay. That`s yours now."
Whenever I weigh myself, I always subtract 10 pounds. I don`t think boobs, brains, and an ass this fabulous should count against me.
I know alcohol isn`t the answer, but it`s my best guess.
If anyone ever tells you your dreams are silly, remember there`s a millionaire walking around that invented the pool noodle.
It`s all sh*ts and giggles till somebody giggles and sh*ts
My friends always use to say, "there`s plenty of fish in the sea." But looks like I ignored their advice and ended up marrying a whale.
I’m not high maintenance, but rather precious cargo with lavish instruction for upkeep.
Exercise by running up the street knocking on all the doors. - Jehovah`s Fitness.
Letting my dad play Angry Birds on my iPad is like showing a caveman fire.
I don`t need WebMD to tell me what`s wrong with me, I have my mother.
AWESOME!
Write me your opinions on this extra soft paper and leave it next to my toilet.
You can’t run from your problems forever. Eventually, you’ll have to take a car or a plane to really avoid them.
My bedroom is perfect for a one night stand, but there’s no room for two night stands.
Sex, drugs and candy crush all have one thing in common. It`s only an addiction if you start paying for it.