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whats the difference between a dog and a fox????? six shots
The ‘poke’ button on Facebook should be replaced with a ‘slap’ button.
Roses are red, dead ones are black, why is your chest as flat as your back?
Golf, except there`s no balls or clubs or anything, and you just drive around in a cart and drink.
You`ve never been truly drunk until you`ve had to use a barstool as a walker to get home.
You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she pours gasoline around your car.
We spend 33% of our life sleeping, 33% wanting to be asleep and the rest apologizing to women.
L`oréal`s mascara makes your lashes 60% longer? Wow! They should make condoms.
I can`t stand people who use song lyrics in their status` because they remind me of sombody that I used to know
My wife told me I suffer from a lack of imagination. I said, "Yeah? Well you suffer from a lack of imagination." That showed her.
Do I look like Christopher Columbus? Am I guiding a ship to a new land? So, when I ask for directions, please don`t use words like "East."
When I first went on the pill, I put on some weight. Which proved to be a very effective contraceptive.
You mellennials and your obsession with public healthcare, back in my day we just died!
I swear on this f*cking chicken I will never swear again. Oops.
I find myself highly addicted to books as of late. Once I start coloring the first few pages I can`t stop....