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According to my neighbor’s journal, I have boundary issues.
Quite honestly, Officer, I wouldn`t have even pulled over had I known all you were going to do was criticize my driving.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but my boss just gets mad when I don`t come to work
Don`t worry. Your secret is safe with me. I wasn`t listening anyway.
Adulthood is mostly about being tired and wishing you hadn’t made plans.
Roughly 82% of my day is trying to decide what my next meal will be
The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they take things so literally.
Shout out to old people for graduating high school without Google.
Hillybilly Word Of The Day.."Twerk"..."Welp, I`m done with lunch so I`d better get back twerk!"
The funny moment when a fat kid says "that`s how I roll".
Mom in poetic mood ....Asked me to express emptiness .... I showed her my wallet ........ n m cheek still burns .... :-p :-p
I don`t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
In other news millions of facebook user suddenly got their law degree
Instead of going to Starbucks, I like to make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.
Insanity workout? The fact I am even considering putting down my phone and getting off the couch is crazy enough, thanks.