Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When I was young I dreamed of saving the world, now I just dream of making through each month.
My Christmas tree smells like pine, and is hanging from the shift lever in my car.
If you really want to get laid tonight, put on your oldest or most ridiculous underwear. It works every single time.
My gift horse is facing the wrong way
Tomorrow the world shall be ours! Until then, good night my evil minions!!
Do women know that it`s perfectly legal to apply makeup at home before they get in their car?
Now that the Summer is over, I can finally stop pretending to be on a diet
If I randomly burst out in laughter, it`s usually `cause I just told myself a joke I`d never heard before :)
Why are there never any good side effects. Just once, I’d like to read a medication bottle that says “May Cause Multiple Orgasms”
The hour that we lose this weekend is the one that I was planning on going to the gym.
I am there for you no matter what, anytime, day or night, unless there is something good on TV or I am eating pie
Recent survey asked people in the U.S if there are too many immigrants: 17% said yes, 83% said Lo siento, no hablan Inglés
UFC is 10% fighting, and 90% advertising the next fight
I wish people were like Internet videos and you could tap them lightly to see a clock of how much longer they`re going to be talking.
Is a bath relaxing for Michael Phelps, or does he just feel like he is at work?