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The only difference between the 13yr old me and the 28yr old me is that my kool-aid now contains vodka.
I love that sound you make when you shut the hell up.
It`s been few days since I heard from the voices in my head, I think it`s the calm before the storm. Some big sh!t is gonna go down!!
I didn’t give you the finger. You earned it.
If there are ice cream trucks in the summer, why aren`t there hot chocolate trucks in the winter?
I`m such a thrill seeker, when I see a ‘Caution, Wet Floor’ sign, I walk faster...
What happens in Vegas never happens to me
The hardest part about being humble is not telling people how much better I am than they are.
If the people in horror movies would just listen to me, they would still be alive!
This beer sure tastes like I`m on vacation next week!
Scent is the sense most tied to memory. "Common" is the sense least tied to people.
The trouble with jogging is, that by the time you realize you`re not in shape, it`s too far to walk back.
Pee your name in the snow and you`ll quickly understand why they should teach cursive in our schools.
Now that cell phones are becoming more and more waterproof, pretty soon it will be okay to push people into pools again...
People who say they suffer from constipation are usually full of sh!t.