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Hunting is easier for vegans because it’s easier to sneak up on plants.
My cat probably thinks I`m cleaning my ice cream...
Getting back with your ex is like taking a shower and putting back on your dirty underwear.
The worst part of being naked is not having pockets.
"I just launched a new fragrance!" - a great way to announce a fart
Some of the best things in life...are mistakes.
Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing.
My wife told me her favourite position is when i lay very very still for a few hours........late at night....until the alarm clock goes off in the morning.
It`s like my bank account doesn`t understand me at all.
The ultimate home security system is having shitty stuff.
Don`t bother trying to figure me out...not even the little voices in my head understand me...it`s pointless.
Pocketwatches were replaced by wristwatches, which became digitalwatches, which were replaced by mobile phones. Which we keep in our pockets
I wonder how many people read my statuses and say `I hope he`s getting professional help`?
I saw a comedian one time who did nothing but make geography puns. talk abbottabad act.
Wanna have a little fun? Post "Anyone know a good lawyer?" Then sit back and watch the speculation run wild!