Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
People hate the truth. Luckily, the Truth doesn`t give a $#!t.
"Waiter, I`d like to send this back" -m`am, I believe that`s your husband.
Vodka and denial are cheaper than therapy.
Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
A Waist Is A Terrible Thing To Mind
my 2012 new year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
The next time you feel you’re worthless…. just remember…. your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
If I pat you on the back, there`s a 99% chance that I`m only using you as a napkin
Is there a 5-second Rule for when you drop babies? ...Asking for a friend. JK people!!! LOL ;)
Nothing says "friend zone" quite like a girl saying "you`re like a brother to me." (Disregard this message if you`re from Alabama)
Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
I bet all the cool math nerds call each other algebros.
I cant wait to show everyone at work my new cough
I`ve dieted and worked out enough to realize that the only way I`m getting smokin` hot is by getting cremated.
Hey, car designers, you have kids, right? How is "limo window partition" between the front and back seat not an option yet?