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Breaking News: Tuesdays suck just as much as Mondays.
I´m not lazy, I´m just highly motivated not to do anything.
If you never set it, you always have the excuse, "I overslept because the alarm didn`t go off."
Just found out What the Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
I used to wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now I wake up feeling like a bounced check.
Why are kids obese? Maybe because Burgers are $.99, & Salads are $4.99.
My boss said “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.” Now I’m sitting in a disciplinary meeting dressed as Batman.
You know what bothers me? When people assume you`re homeless cause you`re asleep on the street and your pants are gone..
Today`s society is a good example of what happens when you let the clowns run the circus.
The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake it then you`ve got it made!
You`d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.
I woke up feeling strange this morning...I felt Rested and Relaxed so I immediately Googled my symptoms. Turns out I had a `Sleep in` Apparently it`s not harmful but may be addictive. . .
If you’re that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.
With my eyes. That`s how I roll.
If it`s alcoholic anonymous. Why do the members stand up an in-troduce them selves?