Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
“A body at rest tends to stay at rest” should be an acceptable excuse for missing work.
Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries. It fills you up nicely but without the buzz.
I remember when vodka was just vodka flavored ...
I read my kids a few select facebook statuses before bed, kiss them on their heads, and whisper, "This is why we have to stay in school"
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days..
Pregreening - creeping forward while waiting for a red light to change.
Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I´m typing this with my middle finger.
I thought there was a spider on the rug, but it was just some yarn. It’s dead yarn now, though.
It`s funny how we all sleep differently. I sleep on my side, my roommate sleeps on his back. My ex sleeps with everybody. That sort of thing.
I have always wanted to start a brand of Christian themed lollipops and call them Catho-licks.
It`s all rainbows and sunshine until he breaks your heart, then it`s voodoo dolls and arson reports.
I put the PRO in inappropriate!
I took two years of Spanish in high school, so ordering off the Taco Bell menu is super easy for me.
I wonder if Oscar the Grouch has a hipster cousin somewhere that lives in a recycling bin
Home is where the alcohol is.