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You never know whats going on in your life until you’re f*cked up.
Hey Samsung and Apple, no need for commercials. We’ve all chosen sides.
SPOILER ALERT: Rice cakes do not contain any actual cake.
How the hell can Dora call herself an explorer if she only goes to places already on the map?
Why is it that most nudists are people you don`t want to see naked?
I am finally old enough to realize my father was right, but now my kids think I am wrong.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did, not screaming for their lives like the passengers in the back of his truck
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 10% of battery remaining.
A hot woman telling me about her boyfriend is like setting money on fire in front of a homeless person.
People are way less judgmental when you say you had an "avocado salad" instead of saying you ate a bowl of guacamole.
ATTENTION: Upon further consideration, I am once again pushing back the debut of my summer beach bod. Thank you for your patience.
my neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning , can you believe that 2:30am? Luckily for him I was still up playing my drums...
The last time I went to a nude beach I got a ticket. The officer said I was applying my sunscreen...Too Fast.
Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time he does.
I really wish Wal-Mart had a 10 teeth or more line...