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Looking for one night stand! Probably need two! I have a lot of books
Is it rude to throw breath mints in someones mouth while they`re talking?
If I hit snooze 3 times it should automatically send an email to my boss saying I’ll be out sick.
If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`. I`ll definitely turn around and look.
Now what`s funny is "Si" from Duck Dynasty
Yeah, I was dropped as a baby. Into a pool of sheer awesome.
I don’t really forgive people I just pretend like it`s okay and wait for my opportunity to destroy them.
People ask me what my secret is to losing weight and I tell them not having money to buy food
I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.
Who me? Oh I`m just waiting for my husband to apologize for something I did wrong...marriage is fun
A hot woman telling me about her boyfriend is like setting money on fire in front of a homeless person.
The Internet: where no one is afraid to say the first thing that pops into their head.
If you have just started playing flappy bird I would like to warn you there is nothing up ahead but more dangling pipes and disappointment
Hey baby, wanna come to myspace and twitter my yahoo `till i google all over your facebook?
I bet cats are mad they can’t sit on televisions anymore.