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If they just built prisons out of the sh!t they package electronics in, no one could ever escape.
A penny for your thoughts. Five bucks if they`re dirty.
Is it too early for extra nog in my egg?
One man`s girlfriend is another man`s password.
I hate Russian nesting dolls. They`re so full of themselves
I think you and I both know that you`re not facebook friends with me for the funny statuses.
I checked my calendar, and I won`t give a f*ck tomorrow either.
I just spent an hour at the gym. I couldn’t find a close enough parking spot so I left.
hey single people..tomorrow is officially `rebound day` after all the ridiculously high romantic expectations end in `epic fail`
I always carry a jellyfish in case I need to pee on someone.
I took a sexual harassment course today, I think this is actually something I might be pretty good at
I want to lose weight, but I don`t want to get caught up in one of those "Eat right and exercise" scams.
Well, I`ve officially entered the, "Why did I come into this room?" phase of my life.
You know you’re a mom, when someone says they have a stomach ache and you ask if they pooped today.
Having a pen!s is like having a friend that always wants to play.