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Didn’t Selfie Sticks used to be called Friends?
I am so confused. My boss just said "keep up the good work" and I have no recollection of doing any such work.
Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
It would take a pretty stupid robot to replace me.
If weed is ever legalized, I can`t wait to see the commercials...
That "No alcohol beyond this point." sign might as well say "I bet you can´t chug that whole beer!"
You know you`re getting old when one huge fart throws out your back.
I read in the Bible that people used to get stoned to death, that`s a lot of weed.
In an alternate universe somewhere, all the ducks are making white girl faces.
How do I like my eggs? ... Ummm, in a cake
I sure do feel a whole lot more attractive at WalMart than I do at the gym.
My most heavily used kitchen appliance is a fire extinguisher.
I wonder if these beers are performance enhancing. I’m feeling pretty awesome!!
I must have drank more than I thought last weekend...there`s an entire hour that I don`t remember!
I broke up with my girlfriend by e-mail. I don`t know what upset her most, the fact that I did it by email or the fact that I cc`d my new girlfriend who wanted proof.