Daily Silly Status

Facebook is like Chinese food. When you think you had enough, you want more.

is actually feeling pretty much okay about not accomplishing anything this year.

Saying that your company has been in business since the 1800`s isn`t a selling point. Slavery existed then too...

All I`m saying is you don`t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.

Question: : What do you get if you add human DNA to a goat? ... Answer: Kicked out of the petting zoo

PRO TIP: If you see a woman crying, never ask if its because of her hair.

I regret buying that straight jacket now. I thought it would look good on me but I just couldn`t pull it off...

I know karate, jujitsu, judo, taekwondo and 28 other dangerous words. Still wanna` mess with me?

People are so predictable..I bet you`re even reading this status right now.

I forget, how much tequila goes in mashed potatoes? Now that`s funny, I don`t care who you are. Oh, don`t copy that part. I mean this part. Oh hell!! Your going to copy and paste the whole thing anyway ;)

I love how television has redefined the word `marathon` to the exact opposite of physical exercise

How I sing it: "A, B, C, D, E, F, G,....H, I, J, K, A LEMON OH PEE!....Q, R, S....T, U, V....W, X....Y, and Z."

"I need to talk to you” is the one sentence that has the power to make you remember every bad thing you’ve ever done in your life.

A roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says "Five beers please."

Sometimes I just sit and run my fingers through my lovers hair. It`s a nice way to let them know my love and also that we`re out of napkins.