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We´re responsible for most of what happens to us, the rest is probably Voodoo.
If you bend over and place your ear next to a girls vagina , you can clearly hear her say "WTF are you Doing!"
The Bible is pretty accurate...Especially when thrown at close range.
These ramen noodles taste like payday is next Friday.
I can`t even tell what this thing in my fridge use to be.
Googling ways to dispose of a body, mostly to freak out the douche behind me who keeps staring at my laptop screen
I would leave my house a LOT more if I could take the couch with me and wear my pajamas.
Just so I`m sure to make friends, I like to walk in the bar carrying a handful of phone chargers.
I am convinced that Kellogg`s works for our Government and all that Snap, Crackle, Pop is CODE.......
Just got a fortune cookie with no fortune in it ... Sounds about right for this Monday
Helping my kid study for her geology exam, and apparently `hard` `classic` and `punk` are not the 3 different types of rock.
Love is... saving money to buy her shoes!
I tried counting sheep to get to sleep, but one was missing and now I’m gonna be up all night worrying.
1) Second. 2) Minute. 3) Hour. 4) Day. 5) Week. 6) Month. 7) Year. 8) Decade. 9) Century. 10) Millennium. 11) Women buying clothes.
The only time I’ve passionately knocked everything off a table was when I was trying to make room for a pizza.