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Ah Friday...my second favorite "F" word!
Should have never gave my cat a lemon, now he’s walking around like a sour puss.
Remember the good old days when LOL meant "Laugh out loud" and not "I can`t think of a good reply"?
I don´t like people who can´t make fun of themselves. It just makes more work for me.
I`m fortunate that anger and nicotine have zero calories.
Over 500 channels and not a DAMN THING to watch! I suppose I should subscribe to some of them...
The coolest tourist attraction in the world is the Sistine Chapel, because it`s full of ceiling fans.
i forgot how to put a status ... can anyone help me ?
I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soul mate, but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.
You know you are in trouble when your mom screams your whole name.
Forecast for tonight: Alcohol, low standards, and poor decisions.
Neil Armstrong said "One small step for man...". I would`ve just said "OH MY GOD, I`M ON THE MOON!!!!!!".
Some people are grateful for the impact you made in their life…. It’s not me, I think you’re a pr!ck.
I prefer to think outside the box because things can get very dark inside it.
We welcome the Christmas season at my house by putting out more towels that I am not allowed to touch