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A baby`s laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear, Unless it`s 3am. And you don`t have a baby, And you`re home alone.
Highway to Hell is a great song because you can play it at both your wedding and your funeral.
Happy 4th of July ... U can toss out the Christmas tree now
Fun Fact: For the cost of a dozen red roses, you could also get a dozen beers and a dozen wings at happy hour. Prob even pay for parking too
Congratulations! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air: Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.
If I could bring one dead person back to life I`d bring back Walk Disney. Just to show him the shows on Disney channel and see his reaction..
Last week a 13-year-old girl became the youngest female to climb Mount Everest. She didn’t mean to. She was just texting her friend and the next thing she knew she was on top of Mount Everest.
I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language made entirely out of tattoos.
I would lose weight, but I hate losing..
If your dog is fat, you’re not getting enough exercise.
That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow.
Whoever convinces blind people that they need sunglasses,, is one heck of a salesman....
That depressing moment when you dip your cookie into milk for too long, it breaks off, and you wonder why bad things happen to good people.
You`d think the self checkout lanes would have more mirrors.
Hoping to get "till death do us part" reduced to a 15 year sentence and time served.