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The difference between “like” “love” and “in love” is the same as the difference between “for now” “for a while” and “forever”
Here is your New Years Resolution. All of that stupid sh!t you did last year? Don’t do that crap this year. Done. You’re welcome.
Bitches be trippin..... ok, maybe I pushed that one.
HardCoreStrategy 22 hours ago 6 3? Guys are? in a cafe. The first guy says "I?? have the smallest arm in the? world." The second guy says I have the?? smallest head in? the world." The third guy says I have the smallest d^ck in the world. They all? go to? the Guinness Book of World records. The? first? guy comes back and says I really? have the smallest arm in the world. The seconds guy? returns and? says? I have the smallest head in the world. The third guy comes back? and angrily?? says WHO? T
went to vegas: put a coin in the machine and a prize came out, put another coin and another prize came out...problem is i don`t know what to do with all these empty cans now.
If the shampoo and conditioner in her shower are not the same brand GET THE F*CK OUT, SHE`S A MAN!
Brains are awesome! I wish everyone had one...
I just bumped into my old headmistress who said how weird it is to see me all grown up now. Surely it would be weirder if I was still 9.
Thinking of opening a bar right next to a gym and call it “Decisions, Decisions”.
You think you love your family but suddenly there`s three of you and one remaining slice of pizza.
Everyone is beautiful in their own way, your way just happens to be in the dark.
I know my limits. I don’t pay any attention to them, but I know them.
I’m in big trouble if my coworkers find out that I really don’t have Tourette’s
Does running out of money count as exercise?
Just gave the Earth a one-star rating and a bad review on TripAdvisor to discourage any aliens that were planning an invasion.