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I put the o in illiterate!
Premature ejaculation and hide and seek have one thing in common. 1 2 3 ready or not here I come.
We should do this “3-day weekend” thing more often.
My kids can be difficult sometimes, but my mom always assures me that I deserve it.
I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. “Alright, get in the basket”
Happy Wednesday 2014 Everyone!
Just took an inventory of my body and it appears to be overstocked in all the wrong places.
It’s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
I dont mind if you call me Crazy, but dont you dare call me stupid. Because to be this crazy some intelligence is definitely required.
Why don`t we wait for life on other planets to find us? Why do we have to do all the work?
The fastest way to get someone to call you back is to take a shower.
Congratulations! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air: Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.
And all this time I thought a chickpea was when women went to the bathroom in groups.
Hey babe, go to Google Earth, zoom in on your house. See that blue cap in the bushes? Hi!
The moment when someone says a word and everyone laughs, including you and then someone goes, "Do you know what that means?" and you go "No, not really."