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All women want is to have a relationship with an intelligent man. The only problem is, intelligent men don’t get into relationships.
One thing I`ve learned about women is they prefer that I don`t speak
I`ll never become mature enough to not laugh out loud when the person in the stall next to me farts so loud it sounds like a volcano just erupted.
Nothing says poor life choices like the guy with the half smoked cigarette behind his ear
Always be yourself, unless you can be Batman, always be Batman.
Let`s be honest, we all have someone on Facebook we wanna bang...with a pan.
Nothing says you are ugly like Facebook asking ``Are you sure you want to make this your profile picture?``
This donut scented car freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
You`re telling me, a chicken fried this rice
I was filling out this form when one of the questions asked "What level is your maturity?" I didn`t fill it out cause I couldn`t find my crayons!!
Sorry I ordered a salad and then ate all your fries.
At times I wish I had a clone, but then I realize, I could never live with that a$$hole.
If it lasts 4 hours I`m not only callin a Dr, I`m callin everybody!!
Make librarians cry by calling it a Book Museum while taking pictures with your iPad.
I wonder if Monday can see my middle finger from here?