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is cuddling up with a good book and a cup of tea. Ah, who am I kidding... I´m looking at Hustler and having a beer.
I had to leave the bowling alley right in the middle of the game. I didn`t have time to spare.
If a cannibal is late to dinner do they give him the cold shoulder?
Dont piss me off...I`ll give your number to all the kids and tell them it`s Santa`s hot line!
I’m considering becoming a mind reader ... What are your thoughts?
I Don’t answer text messages right when I get them so I don’t seem desperate. Then, I forget about them and never respond.
Bad news, guys. Throwing a cat through a wall doesn`t make a funny, cat-shaped hole
Going to tattoo shop to get both legs fully covered. Before he touches me with that needle, I run off yelling `thanks for the free shave loser!`
they say money cant buy you happiness but id much rather be crying in a fararri...
Woke up to gun shots this morning. Luckily my wife has horrible aim.
omg I just found out I`m allergic to exercise...at first I get all flushed, then I break out in a sweat, my heart starts pounding really fast, then I cant breath........i wont be doing that again!
I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at a floor and think, "I`d so tap that."
Facebook where I am surrounded with people but still no one can see me biting my toe nails or picking my nose :-D
It takes patience to listen. It takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
Facebook should make it to where it says, `Went from being in a relationship` to `Problem solved.`