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I wake up every morning with the joy & excitement of wanting to go directly back to sleep.
Keys to a good friendship. Same taste in alcohol. Different taste in women.
After committing a crime, always carry a fire extinguisher. No one gets stopped while running with a fire extinguisher.
You can tell a lot about someone by whether they read HP as horsepower or hit points.
How crazy is it that we used to say "three and a half inch floppy" with a straight face
why would i ever pay to go to a nascar event when i could get drunk beside the interstate and cheer for cars for free
I tried jogging this morning, but the alcohol kept spilling out of my glass, f&ck that.
My kids are always accusing me of having a favorite child which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
is confused. Oh wait, maybe not.
Ghetto wet floor sign: Caution Bitches Be Trippin
I was chasing my dreams, but I tripped over reality and busted my head on the truth.
am feeling lazy......... jst like the guy who desighned the Japannese flag
Im switching some friends from my Facebook account to my Fakebook account.
Iām trying to read a book about how to relax, but I keep falling asleep
When my pc crashes, I go to the guy with the most action figures in his cubicle for help.