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My train of thought likes to circle around the station a few times, take some wrong turns, and end up totally lost.
Nothing makes you feel more like a kid than the right breakfast cereal. Lucky Charms for me please!
Lady at my gym is pedaling a stationary bike while eating chips right out of the bag. I`m hiring her as my personal trainer.
When my boss is in town, I set out pictures of kids on my desk. They aren`t my kids but he`d never fire a Mom of seven, right?
Like this if you can’t think of a clever status either.
Better ingredients. Better pizza. Horrible acting. Papa Johns.
Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries. It fills you up nicely but without the buzz.
I wish you could Google anything. Like, "Where is my phone?" and it would be like, "It`s under the couch, dumba$$."
"I believe I can fry" - R Kelly filling out McDonald`s application
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again, if you drive a Nissan but don`t call it Liam then what is even the point of you
May all of us be as good looking/ beautiful as we look on our FB profile pic..
Two wrongs may not make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.
They should open a bar and call it "The Gym" so I can be like those annoying people on Facebook who brag about going to the gym every day.
I didn`t think a McDonald`s Happy Meal would fill me up, but it did...OMG, I ATE THE TOY!
If you want to be remembered after you die, borrow money from everyone you know.