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A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
I always stop to help women broke down. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how a good porno starts off!
Change is hard. Seriously, have you ever bit a nickel?
The right man will love you unconditionally, will be loyal, and will always be happy to see you. ... Oh wait, That`s my dog. My dog does that.
Don`t worry about old age, it doesn`t last that long.
Funerals are so depressing, when I die I want to be fed to a shark or something cool.
My wife said if this gets 100 likes, we`ll try butt stuff........ * Please DON`T like,,, her strap-on is big and scary.....
Some parts of the world use Facebook to overthrow evil dictators. Me? I just want you all to know how delicious my sandwich is.
If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.
If you go to dinner alone always ask for a table for two. Look sad as you eat and you will almost always get a free dessert
The moment when someone says a word and everyone laughs, including you and then someone goes, "Do you know what that means?" and you go "No, not really."
Adam didn`t take any crap from Eve. He wore the plants in that relationship
Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid people
What do I look for in a girl? Well she has to be hot. And well-rounded. And cheesy. Extra guac. Wait, wrong list, this is my Chipotle order.
There should be reality show where 16 congressmen are forced to take jobs in the private sector.