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I’m just a man standing in front of a woman, who is standing in front of another man who is in front of another woman in line at Taco Bell.
I only accept apologies in cash.
My boss told me to have a good day so I went home.
I think I will start calling my wife "My Customer" since she is always right...
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what’s going on and there’s a lot of wine drinking.
Why is it that the most interesting things in life usually aren`t in our best interest?
Silence is golden but duct tape is silver.
Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.
If a tree falls on your Ex in the woods, and no one hears it, still get rid of the chainsaw just in case.
You`re telling me, a chicken fried this rice
The only time I listen to a woman giving directions is when I use my GPS.
"You clean up nicely", is just a polite way of saying, "You usually look like sh!t."
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like 10, so you can choose.
I think stupid people were put on this earth to test my anger management skills.
My reaction to stepping in dog sh!t is identical to me logging onto Facebook