Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Of course I talk to myself. I need to have an intelligent conversation every now and then.
Transformation Tuesday! Throwback Thursday! Flashback Friday! Never underestimate a woman`s ability to find a reason to post a selfie.
My doctor said I needed to reduce stress. Great, now I have that to worry about.
Is there a way to politely throw breathe mints in someone`s mouth while they`re talking?
When God closes a door, it usually has my fingers in it.
I don`t really work, I just kinda stand around and be awesome.
Why is it called stealing when your WIFI is trespassing in my house?
I feel like there should be more breakfast beers on the market.
Sometimes what sounds like opportunity knocking is actually disappointment leaving a flaming bag of poop on your doorstep.
Cool thing about winter is after grocery shopping your car can double as your refrigerator.
?"Oh! Oh! Oh!" Dyslexic Santa
Long busy day, I need one of those hugs that turns into sex.
When ur mom Calls and u have a party at ur house you; shut up!! Answers phone you; hi mommy!
Whenever I hear someone say “STOP” my brain says “Hammer Time”
Tonight I’m trying to get to that happy place right between don’t know my own name and head in the toilet.