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Gas prices are a lot like girls: We just wish they would go down.
Because of smart phones my thumbs now have biceps.
Always look for the girl with the ponytail holder on her wrist.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then go find somebody whose life gave them vodka and throw a party.
Fun things to do in Walmart: Take the ``try me`` stickers off of the toys & place them on condom boxes.
If I were a cashier I`d pretend people were waiting in line to kiss me.
Take your age. Subtract 3. Then add 3. That is your age.
Would you be a deer and run out in front of my car for me?
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering every question!!!
Look, all I`m saying is that the dinosaurs didn`t drink alcohol and look what happened to them.
Smiling gives you wrinkles. Resting bitch face keeps you pretty.
My mom just sent me a friend request on Facebook! Finally I can use that "I`m not your friend I`m your mother" speech to my advantage.
I carry a permanent marker just in case someone without a mustache falls asleep.
Turns out, I`m not an afternoon person either...
I party until the taxi with the pretty red and blue lights picks me up.