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You`ve reached the limitations of my medications.
If you watch Intervention backwards, it`s about a person partying hard after an awful family reunion.
Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.
Never throw sunglasses in an argument. If they land perfectly on your opponent`s face there is no known comeback.
I’ve made some pretty bad choices in life but I have to admit, having orange juice with Oreos was the worst.
Women are like squirrels, very cute from a distance but will fight like hell when you try to pick them up and get them in your car.
I had no plans on looking sexy today, but sh!t happens.
Everyone talks about leaving a better planet for our kids. Let`s try to leave better kids for our planet.
Haters gunna hate,potatoes gunna patate!!
God is testing me today, but I don`t think he realizes I`m a `C` student.
Some days you`re the Titanic, some days you`re the iceberg, and some days you`re the guy who jumped off and hit a propeller on the way down.
Dear math, please stop asking us to find your x. She`s not coming back. And we don`t no y either.
The internet is full of cats because dog people actually go outside.
I saw a guy walking 4 dogs this morning and thought, Wow!.. That guy must be really blind.
Just been watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury...but I should be ok in a couple days.