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You`re uglier than..... well, you`re the example.
I never get nervous or embarrassed. That`s just some sh*t that sober people who leave the house have to worry about.
After meeting me... my therapist is now in therapy...
I want to be something scary for Halloween so I am going as a positive pregnancy test......
Christmas spirit? I`m proud to say I`ve got plenty of that. I`ve got rum, whiskey, gin, brandy, vodka and tequila.
Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today, or flash them your boobs...... Strangers love boobs!
I wish I had my own private chauffeur. . . . Then I could really commit to being an alcoholic!
I may hate waiting. But I love procastinating.
Secretly replaced the bacon with beggin` strips. Let`s see if the customers notice.
I hate it when TV shows say they contain "adult situations" but then don`t show anyone going to a job they hate, and paying their bills.
Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry.
This is not the status message you are looking for .... Move along
If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, does it really have calories?
If da Vinci were alive today, the "Mona Lisa" would have been called "IMG-20121020-00463.jpg"
Iām actually a really nice guy once you get to blow me.