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Why is it called "Alien vs Predator"? Isn`t predator an alien too? They should`ve just called it "Some Aliens"
roses are red , violets are blue , I got five fingers and the 3rd one for you ;)
When I was your age, we had to walk 10 miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
This pizza looks like a pie chart of 100% good news.
I kind of feel like getting some work done today, so I’m just going to sit here until that feeling passes.
Dear neighbor mowing your yard this morning, I found my bagpipes for tonight.
I don’t think we can get through adulthood without a good sense of humor and a strong middle finger.
Raw eggs are great for a fitness diet. If you don`t like the taste, just add sugar, flour, cocoa and baking powder and bake for 30 minutes.
I fell asleep at the wheel smh, time to turn Mario Kart off and go to bed.
How do you spot a blind man at a nude beach? It`s not hard.
If you don’t count any of my failures, I’m quite successful.
Every time I get a paper cut, I know somewhere a tree is laughing.
I didn`t have access to Facebook for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 17 books and showered.
I know I don`t look like it but I`m really good looking!
Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is go to bed.