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I don`t mind sharing the highway with other people. I just wish they`d use the part behind me.
Its a shame I don`t have 5 incomes to go with my 5 personalities.. Damn free loaders
I`ve come to terms with the fact that I will never experience leftover pizza.
Decisions decisions ... Guess I`ll drink on it.
The leading cause of divorce ? ... marriage
I just bumped into my old headmistress who said how weird it is to see me all grown up now. Surely it would be weirder if I was still 9.
I can`t wait to find my soul mate so I can start sleeping on the couch.
It`s normally a combination of things that cause bad decisions. The tequila, lime, salt combination is the most common.
Serving size ?? LMAO
Let’s all agree to stop saying “I read about it somewhere” and admit that we saw it on Law and Order.
The girl next door looks over at me, then her phone, then makes a disgusted look on her face. I think she`s just found my Facebook account
On one issue, at least, men and women agree: they both distrust women.
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k … I don’t think I can run that far!
Sometimes.. late at night... I fill my bathtub with tomato sauce and pretend I am a meatball.
I`m at my most cardio when I am moving the treadmill into storage