Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My kids think I`m uncool like I thought my parents where. Time to get even! ;)
If I hit snooze 3 times it should automatically send an email to my boss saying I’ll be out sick.
I was thinking about selling my old phone but I think it knows too much.
Things were said. Feelings were hurt. Your car was set on fire. My point is you’re wrong & Raphael isn’t the best Ninja Turtle. Get over it.
I put my phone on Airplane Mode and now I can`t find it...
Nothing ruins hump day like not getting humped.
I had to explain the Goonies today... so I`m feeling super old and bitter.
Life is fun! You should get one.
I miss being in a relationship. Could 1 of you girls come over here and yell at me, treat me like shi t and not sleep with me? It might help.
After all these years, I`m beginning to suspect that Waldo doesn`t want to be found.
I was born at a very early age.
Sometimes I zone out and forget what I’m supposed to be doing, and then I remember and take a drink of my beer.
If you love something, set it free. Maybe not dogs with rabies though. Or killer bees or pretty much any domesticated animal into the wild. Lots of stuff really. Look, the point is don`t love anything.
When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered is god playing angry birds hmm
Give a man a fish & he`ll be all "WTF are you giving me a fish for? That`s weird" Teach a man to fish & he`ll be all "Again with the fish?"