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Iām shy at first, but once Iām comfortable with you get ready for some crazy sh!t.
Difference between men and women: Women can change their mind whenever they want. Men can change their mind whenever the woman wants.
"Probiotic" sounds a lot better than "bacteria infested"
I tried to make both ends meet, but I`m a poor judge of distance.
Lord, grant me the courage to be the person I am under my breath.
I`m now at the age where if I see a nice nursing home, I make a mental note of it.
Sorry, I can`t hangout. My uncle`s cousin`s sister in law`s best friend`s insurance agent`s roommate`s pet goldfish drowned. It was tragic.
I just ate what I thought was a feta cheese crumble from my salad off my shirt. Turns out it was deodorant. So how`s your day going?
Life`s tough. It`s tougher if you`re stupid...
Start each day with a positive thought like, "I can go back to bed in about 17 short hours."
Before Google, I averaged 220 Snapple bottles before I found the answer.
Head and Shoulders should make a body wash called Everything Else
My favorite part about your rant on how much you hate social media sites was when you posted it from a social media site.
I didn`t fall. The floor just needed a hug.
Sign in a grocery store: Take lettuce from top of stack, or heads will roll!