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In my most recent survey,,, four out of five women talked crap about the fifth one whenever she was out of earshot.
Just ordered a Fitbit and my bank called to see if my card was stolen.
To stupidity ... And beyond!!
I’ve already decided, if I ever go to The Price Is Right, I’m gonna “come on down” whether they call my name or not.
My girlfriend told me I`m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to batman... What a joker!
As it turns out, I’m not an afternoon person either.
Feeling bored? Post a status on Facebook that says "Barack Obama 2016" and buckle up for the ride of your life.
You make me feel "I`m-typing-this-with-my-middle-finger" angry.
Fashion is what you call hideous clothes that are really expensive
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but this is just gardening facts.
Yes... I repost. Isn`t that kinda the point? Spread the love and shit? Mostly shit... But that`s your fault...
I like calling the Psychic Hotline and asking them what I`m wearing.
I do yoga to relieve stress. Just kidding. I drink wine in yoga pants.
"I went to Jared" I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
Didn`t have to do much to end my last relationship...she first told me that "opposites attract"...then a couple of days later she told me i was handsome, kind, smart, funny and loving...