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Everything you paid $50,000 to learn in college is now on the Internet for free.
I’m a really down to earth guy because, you know, gravity.
Saw a billboard ad for potato chips that proudly claimed "There`s a lot of pride in every bag!" Hmmm...is "pride" another word for "air"?
Men are like cheap dishes - easily broken & completely replaceable!
I hate people that take drugs, specially U.S. Customs and the D.E.A.
You’d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their ass in the mirror they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
Sex, do it for the kids.
Stop complaining about being single on Valentine`s Day. We have bigger problems in this world. Like why McDonald`s doesn`t serve breakfast after 10.30
Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for stupid people.
You are living proof that the Lord is testing me.
Im afraid to go outside or even sit next to a window during an lightening storm. Im afraid that I`ll get zapped! I`m scared that God is gonna get me!!!
Remember when the scariest thing we had to deal with was computers forgetting what year it was
So long pants! See you Monday!
Maybe my mom was right all those years ago. Maybe I won`t be happy until someone loses an eye. Maybe that`s what`s been missing.
I`m at that "licking peanutbutter off a spoon" time to go grocery shopping point....