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It just dawned on me why Mayberry was so peaceful and quit, cause nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Ernest T Bass, The Darlins, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara. The only one married was Otis, and he stayed drunk!
Mazda’s marketing slogan is “We Build Mazdas.” They decided on it after rejecting others like: “Mazdas Are Cars” and “Buy Mazdas With Money”
Is it called NASCAR because that’s the way a hillbilly pronounces “nice car?”
Sometimes I worry that eating pizza isn`t a real sport.
Just ordered a Fitbit and my bank called to see if my card was stolen.
Anytime my boss leaves her office, I sneak in there and fart.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Horoscope: Slightly fatter than you were yesterday
What if the stickers are the only thing Made In China?
I`m too lazy to ever write a biography. Story of my life.
The only b word you should call a woman is beautiful. B!tches love to be called beautiful.
I knew we would be the best of friends when you said drinks are on you
Chips have little nutritional value. That’s why you need to eat the whole bag.
Days that I don’t have to care about my appearance are my favorite days.
I should be ashamed of myself. Lets be clear, I`m not. But I should be.