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I used to have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lived 150 miles away
If they have an Ice Cream Truck for kids why don’t that have a Beer Truck for adults?
Who the hell invented Bull Riding? "Hey, I`m gonna hop on that 2,000 pound pissed off animal...Time me!!!"
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself." ~5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
Starbucks announced guns are no longer allowed in their stores. Seems crazy banks didn`t think of this.
How will you survive a zombie apocalypse if you scream & run when you see a spider?
Dating these days must be so hard, because how do you know somebody loves you if they don’t make you a mix tape?
Fantasy football is just Dungeons and Dragons for the people who used to beat up the people who played Dungeons and Dragons.
I just wanted to send you a quick note letting you know that you`re in my inappropriate thoughts.
We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don`t think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive.
Maybe the government just needs to control/alt/delete and then restart in safe mode.
Can`t we all just hit a bong?
Dear Fox news,I have yet to see any news about foxes. Sincerely, disappointed viewer.
A secret is what you tell everyone not to tell anyone else.
Too many people complain about their looks, but not nearly enough complain about their brains.