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As I said before, I never repeat myself.
Netflix is soo much better than going out and pretending to like people.
At first it was "Okay" and then "ok" and now "k" and soon it will disappear and you`ll all regret it
Saw a woman crying as she was buying tampons last night. ..Must be going through a tough period in her life.
At a wedding reception someone yelled: “All the married men please stand next to the person that made your life worth living” The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with beautiful daughters do.
My living room is pretty much a fat camp without rules.
I’m starting to think that some of you are misspelling words on porpoise.
The secret to enjoying good wine: Open to let it breathe. If it appears not to be breathing, apply mouth to mouth.
The only thing more amusing than someone leaving a voicemail is them asking if you actually listened to it.
Every time I make plans to eat better I can hear my stomach laughing
The sad part about seeing any shopper at Walmart with a blue tooth, is that normally it is that shopper`s only tooth.
Is there really a need for constipation medicines and stool softeners in a world where burritos and tacos exist?
I don`t know karate, but I do know crazy, and I`m not afraid to use it.
I think girls secretly enjoy putting guys in the friend zone