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My nose is "running", that`s all the exercise I can handle for one day.......
I am not available because I am looking at porn that takes up the whole computer screen
Waiting to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I`m describing him.
I read "Do not believe everything you read." Now I`m not sure whether to believe this or not.
They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.
Watching movies alone sucks. There´s no one to ask, "What did he just say? Who is that guy?"
Someone told me the camera adds 10 pounds and I was like why would anyone eat a camera you idiot?
I`m glad I`m me, I don`t think anybody else could take it.
I have two moods: sleep is for the weak and sleeping for a week.
I’ve been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions.
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
I’m tired of chasing my dreams, I`m just going to ask them where their going and meet them there later.
I’ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I’m actually talking to someone.
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and then six months later you have to do it all over again.
Vaginas are like the weather. When it`s wet, it`s time to go inside.