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A person who says they will never lie to you is probably lying already.
Love is grand. Divorce is 100 grand.
I`m hosting a wine tasting event in my home. Well, it`s not really an event. It`s just me and three bottles of wine. No one else is invited.
Birth Control Pills should be for men. It makes much more sense to unload a gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.
I just saw a gang of really drunk mosquitoes leave my arm and high-five each other. Weird.
The trouble with going out in the cold at my age is by the time I get all bundled up, I’ve forgotten where I was going.
Today`s Facebook forecast: Partly boring, increased drama, and a really good chance of bullsh*t.
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it.
A lot of attractive people are like nice cars with the check engine light on.
Do people with cats not know about dogs?
I twisted my ankle playing vodka last night.. Next question
Trying to get in shape for all those people I`m not having sex with.
That one day of fame on Facebook because it`s your birthday.
I surveyed 100 women on what shampoo they prefer while showering 95% said How the hell did you get in here!!!
I dont run from my problems, I chase them ... with alcohol