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The problem with frozen yogurt is that it`s not ice cream.
I don`t get offered drugs nearly as often as D.A.R.E. said I would.
Relax,,, We`re all crazy.. It`s not a competition.
Men hang out in bars for one of two reasons: Either they have no wife to go home to, or they do
Now that Microsoft`s Steve Ballmer has bought the Clippers, I wonder if he will release a new version every few years that we all hate.
Someone just told me to "Have a good morning". What about the rest of my day mother f*cker?
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
I got BOMBED last night and decided to do my own taxes and guess what! I`m getting 4 million dollars back this year!
I know it`s 3 meals a day,,,,,, But how many at night?
I’ve decided to get rid of my bad habits…just as soon as equally satisfying good habits become available.
I wish the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial would ride his motorcycle through my town.
I just threw up my weekend.
Thought I saw a kangaroo today but turned out to be a greyhound having a dump !
I`m in no shape to exercise patience!
I may be asking too much of this coffee.