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If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I`d probably pick living.
Hey dude who flipped me off in the Subway parking lot for honking at you, you left your dinner on top of your car.
I don`t have any "driving the speed limit" music.
What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig ? The letter F ?
If you`re a vegan an atheist and a liberal, how do you choose which way to annoy people at Thanksgiving first?
Tomorrow, history will be made. Months and months of advertisements and anticipation has led up to this historic day. America will see firsthand what is surely to be a historic event, and I am proud to say I will do my part and pick up my copy of Halo 4.
There’s a bald spot in my yard so I’m gonna let the grass around it grow really long and then do a comb-over.
If I say “it’s a great day to be alive,” it’s because those are literally my only plans.
I love sleep ... it’s like a Time Machine to Breakfast.
Single ladies, stop saying you should just give up & get a cat , if no man wants you , don`t force an innocent cat to live with you..
Instead of `What`s on your mind?` Facebook should say `Just relax on the couch and tell me all about your problems. Don`t worry, nobody will know`..
My grandfather once waited in line for 36 hours to get a loaf of bread and I can`t wait two seconds for a Youtube video to load.
Well it`s almost time for that " New Year -- New Me " bullsh_t again!
There is a 99.9% chance I am hungry.
Why do people freak out about dolphins getting caugh in tuna nets? What about the tuna?