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I’m trusting a whole lot of people not to randomly murder me throughout the day.
A dog running a hundred miles to retrieve a stick? That`s pretty far-fetched.
Fun Fact: Even though they call it a "man hole", you can shove women and children down it just fine.
The easiest way to get over someone is with a steamroller.
Sometimes I wonder how people who don`t have kids get their TV remotes from the other side of the room.
Massaging the shoulders of the person in front of you at the Redbox machine will usually help them make up their mind faster.
Boobs, because you can`t motorboat a personality.
My Living Will says it`s okay to pull the plug on me, but I`d like them to at least try jiggling it a few times first.
I fail to understand the ‘good’ part of ‘good morning’
I don`t get why people find drunk text annoying
How to Train Your Dragon offers no practical dragon training information. NONE. Zero stars.
It’s getting really annoying how eating makes you gain weight..
Share this if you know someone who is alive today simply because you don`t want to go to prison.
Saw A bumper sticker that said "Fat People Are Harder To Kidnap" not sure if he was a proud fat man or a disgruntled kidnapper though.
I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds.