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They’re called scents, not flavors, I should not able to taste your perfume or cologne.
Laugh now because when I die, I`m coming back to haunt you.
Starting tomorrow, whatever life throws at me, I`m ducking so it hits someone else!
Apparently when a trainer asks you why you want to get in shape and you answer "revenge" it will raise a couple eyebrows.
The sole purpose of a child`s middle name, is so he can tell when he`s really in trouble.
Suggested movie theater prices: Adults - $9.00, Under 12 - $ 6.00, Under 3 - $249.00
You are the pebble in my shoe of people
Always check the height of nearby ceiling fans before giving a toddler a ride on your shoulders... * How I learned this rule is not important.
I`m an accident looking for a place to happen!
Life advice: Enjoy the f*ck out of it. It`s that simple.
Today is National animals day, please take a moment to remember your ex :p:p:p.
I wish I could match my dog`s excitement to go outside.
My girlfriend said if this gets 100 thumbs up we`ll try anal. So please don`t vote, her strap on is huge and it really scares me.
Weekends will from now on begin on Wednesday because that is when it should truly begin!
Coffee shops should have a separate line for people who are late for work.