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A birth control pill a day keeps the mini-van away.
Whoever said imitation is the sincerest form of flattery hasn`t had a 7yo mimicking their every word for the last 10 minutes.
Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says "trust me, you don`t want to know."
No matter how busy a guy is, he can always take out a moment from his busy life to just stop and stare at a beautiful girl.
A handshake means something completely different to a cannibal.
Wanna screw with your idiot friends on Facebook? Post that Obama passed a law to stay in office a third term this morning. Praise Jesus.
There are so many scams on the Internet now these days, but for $19.95 I can show you how to avoid them.
I went to a vegan restaurant once. Wait, no, that was just a florist.
Men are great listeners when you have big boobs ;)
I hate it when spiders just sit there acting like they pay rent.
No Shirt No Shoes No Service. What about pants?
“My phone’s about to die.” is what I say 30 seconds into every phone call. Just in case!
People like you are the reason people like me take pills.
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
Those days where you don`t take anyone`s sh!t ... Yeah, today is one of those days.