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!that embarrasing moment when you fake a call then a real one comes...!lol.
Just did 100 crunches. Crumbs everywhere.
The problem with some people is that they`re breathing.
u smile i smile u laugh i laugh u cry i`ll go get a bat and say who`s gonna get it
Why is this dude chatting with Jake from State Farm at three in the morning anyhow?
The most expensive part of having kids is all the booze I drink.
I just used the self checkout in Walmart without needing assistance and they made me district manager.
Apparently, all those good looking people in the swimsuit catalogs go to a different beach than I do.
You couldn`t handle me even if I came with instructions.
I think my credit card looks weird. Could you send me a picture of yours so I can compare?
Using Romeo & Juliet to express how in love you are is like using Hamlet to show how close and well adjusted your family life is.
If you see me smiling in public it means Iām laughing at the jokes I tell myself in my head.
God: Is there anything else you need Adam? Adam: yes I want a Sandwich! God: Ok let`s create eve.
Adulthood is basically sadness and paying bills.
There should be a mercy rule for how many pics a girl can upload from her vacation.