Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
To be truthful,,, I have never unrolled a sleeping bag and been able to roll it back up any smaller than the size of a garage.
Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets, are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
I hate when my mom tells people I`m 503 months old.
Boys will be boys... unless they get a sex change.
Why do they call it "hiring a hitman" and not "ordering takeout"
So I was thinking... since the kids get the Easter bunny, why shouldn`t I expect a visit from a Playboy bunny today?
Why do sandwiches taste so much better when they are cut diagonally?
I can`t tell if I`m really nice but secretly an a$$hole or an a$$hole but secretly really nice.
ME- I love it when you lay me down like that, the way you touch my belly and put cold things on me baby DOCTOR- Miss this is a medical examination and you are making me extremely uncomfortable
My blood test came back as B+ Any tips how I can get an A+ next time?
The moment when someone says a word and everyone laughs, including you and then someone goes, "Do you know what that means?" and you go "No, not really."
I dont think I could ever stab someone.. I barely can get the straw into a Capri Sun.
Being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible
If you like to spoon, you`ll love to spatula. That`s where I flip you over to make certain you`re done properly on both sides.
My motto for the night ... drink till I no longer think :)