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I just passed the local college and saw 3 very fit young ladies with very tight yoga pants walking to class...I have never been so motivated to return to college.
If I randomly burst out in laughter, it`s usually `cause I just told myself a joke I`d never heard before :)
Looking back at old text messages and Facebook messages and being like "What the hell was I thinking when I said that."
Just bought me a medical alert bracelet that says... "probably just sh!tfaced"
Life is tough. It’s even tougher if you’re stupid.
Do you ever dislike someone so much that you hate when people are nice to them?
Some days, I practice positive thinking. Other days, I`m not positive I am thinking.
How can I go to sleep when this movie I’ve seen 70 times just started?
Single women come home, see what`s in the fridge and go to bed...while married women come home see what`s in the bed and go to the fridge.
This fly in my car is going to be very disappointed when it ends up at Walmart.
I`m often a little confused when people call me insane because, to be honest, I`m still just warming up.
I`d like to thank my exs for encouraging me to learn about cars. Like how to cut the break lines, hoses, or discreetly slash a tire.
Will someone please tell ugly girls with small boobs that their opioion doesnt really matter.
My method of going "offline" in FB chat is to just ignore you.
Actions speak louder than words, unless those words are spoken by a drunken woman.