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A Lion would never cheat on his wife.. but a Tiger wood.
I`ve ended up encountering much less porridge than I had expected I would as a child.
I was sitting on the toilet when the guy in the stall next to me started smoking. Disgusting . . . I nearly couldn’t finish my sandwich.
You can’t believe everything you hear, but you can repeat it.
My friends are the kind that would flirt with the fireman while my house was burning down.
When I was a kid and was going to "get it" that was bad. Now I`m an adult and I`m going to "get it" :)
I’m always impressed when I can stump auto-correct...
Double-Stuffed Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
The Walking Dead reminds you that other people would still be your biggest problem even if most of them died.
drink beer ?? save water
Wife fell asleep on the couch so I drew a spider on her glasses with dry erase marker. And now we wait...
Time to clean the house. Good thing I took that delegation class at work and I have 2 kids. This is going to be fun
I put the hot in psychotic.
I don`t appreciate my son`s teacher circling all the wine stains on his homework.
If A-B-C-D didn`t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn`t have to be so rushed.