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Such a relief when things I`ve been meaning to do become things I meant to do but now it`s too late.
Fellas; There’s no heterosexual way of taking a selfie.
Its that time of year to find out what your friends with pools have been up to since last year.
Hell hath no fury like your kid catching you throw away ANYTHING, EVER. I smuggle out broken crayons like a Mexican drug lord..
I`m so broke, if somebody tried to rob me right now, they would just be practicing.
Dodgeball, but with random people who don`t know that they are playing..............
If its the thought that counts, then I`ve banged so many hot chicks.
Dogs are great. You can count on them to alert you of danger...Also, children passing by, squirrels and gusts of wind they don`t like.
I think you people lied to me...exactly how much of this hair of the dog do I have to eat before this hangover goes away?
If someone says they`ll always be there for you...make sure you find out exactly where "there" is.
I don`t understand why people want a relationship when there`s pizza.
My room isn`t messy. I just prefer to have my favorite items on display.
It`s always best to fart when there`s a baby on the bus. They always get the blame.
Never go on a blind date with a friend! She was so big when i took her home she went to my backyard and started grazing.
Ever notice how many friends you have when you pull out a pack of gum?