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St. Patricks day is the only time you can ask somebody in public,"Do you want some green" without you looking suspect.
During Sex you burn as much calories as running 5 miles ... Who the f*ck runs 5 miles in 30 seconds.
If abortion is murder then are condoms kidnapping?
Are you one of those people that get hurt from things posted on Facebook? You can easily avoid that by keeping your a$$ off of Facebook.
Why can’t they make the whole week out of Saturdays?
I dont know whats more awkward, answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you.
Repeat after me: It doesn’t matter how big the problem is, posting it on Facebook won’t solve it.
Why can`t the ice cream man just get a freakin liquor license already
According to my neighbor`s rooster, it`s 5am now. Also according to my neighbor`s rooster, we`re having fried chicken for dinner tomorrow.
Facebook Poking Hours: Mon-Friday 7am-10pm Sat 12-11pm Sun Closed
Silence is Golden, unless you`re married.. Then Silence is Suspicious.
Screw it, just add another blade." -Gillette marketing concepts.
The fact that I start clapping every time someone says "Please give me a hand" is only like the number 6 reason I dont have friends.
Rest area restrooms are weird. The guy in stall next to me has four feet.
Don`t judge a person for drinking; judge a person for not drinking. Those f*ckers are up to something.