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I don’t have an attitude problem… You have a problem with my attitude… That’s your problem, not mine.
Billy Ray Cyrus made a million dollars at a playgirl photo shoot. He just started taking his clothes off and they paid him to put them back on.
Please rephrase your question in the form of a compliment.
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a guy who has been single for longer than 6 months.
Do one thing every day that scares you. Or one thing that scares other people.
You know that you have eaten way too much junk food when you start actually craving something healthy.
OH I´m sorry! I didn´t realise you were giving me a dirty look. I just thought you were ugly like that all the time!
three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere "Hold my purse."
It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married, right?
I used to be in a band called "missing cat". You`ve probably seen our poster.
wants to jump in a cab and yell "follow that car!"
Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown man child who can`t take care of himself.
I hate when I’m walking into the gym and the wind blows me into the liquor store.
And suddenly those annoying neighbors that leave their Christmas lights up all year long look like geniuses.
Not a day goes by when I don`t try to use The Force.