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I made a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number one: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes? Hurt like hell.
Perhaps Nicki Minaj just lost a series of bets.
You never really know how many inches you`re gonna get or how long it`ll last. Snow, maybe.
Whoever gets the gift from me that has scissors under the wrapping paper, I`m going to need those back.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall (he also had a pretty good summer too).
Insomnia causes questionable browser history.
I wonder if they let me grow cannabis on Farmville, I`ll be able to sell it on Mafia Wars?
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
Don`t get excited girls. That bulge in my pants is just emergency Oreos.
I`m ready to regret having sex with you.
I wish Facebook would notify me when people deleted me, that way I could like it
Never hire an Electrician with no eyebrows
Going to the toilet without your phone is like going to war without a gun
I will be forever in your debt if you would just loan me 1 million dollars.
I`m so poor I went to the ducks today to beg for bread...