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My password is SupermanHulkThorGoku, that`s the strongest password I can think of.
I can still remember a time when I knew more than my phone
I love how in movies when someone types a really embarrassing secret they always accidentally send it to the whole school, and they also coincidentally have the phone number of everyone.
It`s friday!! I smell vodka ;)
Parallel park, like nobody’s laughing.
“Too much milk left need more cereal” always leads to “too much cereal need more milk”
If God is a woman then how do you explain: 1) Spiders 2) Shoes you can`t afford 3) Periods 4) Men
How does Ice-T order an Iced Tea without sounding like a douche?
Sometimes I sit and wonder what the world would be like if I wasn`t awesome ... That would be scary.
Wow, I haven`t seen you since the last time I wish I hadn`t seen you
I wish I was as skinny as I was the first time I thought I was fat.
Most people who think I`m a nice person have no idea that I`d trade any one of my kids for a deep dish pizza.
I believe in living every day like it`s my last day, and on my last day, I plan to take it easy.
I hate when people passive-aggressively post vague, indirect statuses. You know who you are...
I don’t drink to forget, I… what was I saying?