Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My friends think I never listen to their opinions... like I give a sh*t what they think.
Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pac Man, for 25 cents that bitch would swallow balls til she died!
Your selfie would be way better if you weren`t in it.
Do you ever wish you had a second chance to meet someone again for the first time?
With the problems I have, I would have taken my own life a long time ago but i have one question: Do they sell weed in hell?
I`m scared of the pesticides on this produce, so I guess I`ll run them under cold water for half a second
You`re never too old to be spanked ...If you play your cards right.
If your cup is only half full, you probably need a smaller bra.
My GPS says "time of arrival" ... I see "time to beat."
eHarmony matched me with a bean bag chair with duct tape on it
The key to my heart is shaped like a bottle opener.
It`s all shits and giggles till someone giggles and shits
Taken names of employees from various stores and calling in sick for them, just to make it feel like I have a job. . .
Don`t blame me, I was born awesome ;)
Will someone please tell ugly girls with small boobs that their opioion doesnt really matter.