Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t mind people sneezing in public. It`s that "Pre-sneeze face" they make that scares the hell out of me.
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all.
To whoever finds the $20 I dropped last night: spend it on alcohol. It`s what I would have wanted.
Dear life, I`ve had enough bullsh!t to last a while. Can we take a little break please.
Ok, I admit. Everything that`s wrong in your life is your fault.
During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"? "Over there by mine", was not the answer I was expecting.
I love the phrase "boobie trapped" I mean, who doesn`t like to be trapped by boobies????
How old do I have to be when I can start pulling in front of cars without looking?
Crazy is like diarrhea. You can only hold it in for so long.
I may not have any friends but at least I know my cat will never ask me to help him move
If I laugh randomly when you are talking to me, don`t worry, the voices are telling me jokes.
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a man who has been single for longer than 6 months.
Just killed a cricket at work, and, long story short, I`m now being asked to audition for Riverdance.
I wanna lie on the floor and not think for a month or two.
Women say childbirth is the most painful thing... obviously they have never stepped on a Lego.